rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
