He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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