I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
