Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't make out with my wife yet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We smell like vodka and hangover
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