Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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