Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
