Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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