My Higher Power is John Stamos
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
