exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
