Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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