Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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