he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
