i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
