Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
