Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
