I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
