Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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