I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
