can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
