Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
