Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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