he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
