That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
