I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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