So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
