OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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