i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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