No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
