dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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