he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
