I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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