She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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