evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
