all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
