so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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