Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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