I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
