As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
