now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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