I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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