no, he came in my armpit
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
