i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
