I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
