I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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