Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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