what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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