Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
