There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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