I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
