You're a womanizer and a bitch.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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