just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
