please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
