I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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