i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
