Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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