fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
