It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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