can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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