16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
