She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
