Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
