first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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