WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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